By Victoria Braverman
Take the following scenarios. Which one(s) would you say is an act of kindness?
You see an old woman struggling with her bags of shopping. You approach her and ask if she needs help.
You see an old woman struggling with her bags of shopping. You imagine how difficult it must be to get old, to find everyday tasks so difficult. Then you think “Wow, isn’t this woman amazing? She’s out there, shopping for herself, being independent.” You smile at her and walk away without saying anything, since you’re sure that in her situation you would hate to be reminded of your dwindling independence.
You see an old woman struggling with her bags of shopping. You run over, say “Let me help you with those!” and grab her bags without waiting for her answer.
Which approach, if any, is the correct one? Which one is an act of kindness?
There’s a fine line between being patronising and being kind. Helping someone who doesn’t want help, in a situation where they’ve made you aware of that fact, isn’t generally kind.
There’s a fine line between being patronising and being kind. Helping someone who doesn’t want help, in a situation where they’ve made you aware of that fact, isn’t generally kind.
Similarly, there’s a fine line between being kind and being a martyr. I used to be available for all of my friends, whenever they wanted, for whatever they wanted. What resulted was a pattern of behaviour whereby someone would become increasingly needy, and I would start resenting the time and energy they were “taking” from me – although I had offered both. I would continue to help when they asked, but would stop making the first move. Eventually, I would sever contact with them completely. This pattern of behaviour must have been very confusing to those now former friends, who couldn’t understand what they’d suddenly done to upset me.